Transiting Down the Coast with a Toddler
I wouldn’t say we are cruising yet. So far we are really just transiting, rarely spending more than one night in a place and averaging 100+ miles every two days. A day of rest and boat jobs, sometimes just a day of boat jobs, alternates with days or nights of travel. We have been travelling at night quite a bit which has its pros and cons. On the plus side Fynn sleeps during the nights, and gets to run some steam off during the day, and it is easier on Kyber. On the downside, it is tiring on everyone and the next day is a bit of a right off. Sleep has been a bit elusive as we are often anchored in the swell and pitch and roll all night. Thankfully Fynn tends to sleep through even the wildest rides, but then she might wake up in a calm anchorage for unknown toddler reasons. Basically I feel tired all the time.
This constant on-the-go and get things done is very hard on me. Most of our landfalls have been streams of to dos- get groceries, find laundry, find Internet, find boat parts, arrange repairs, etc. Fynn gets dragged along as we work through the challenges of finding stuff in an unknown city without a car. Of course by age two she has her own agenda – find stuff to climb on, run down hills, eat snacks… it can feel very frustrating at times when we are time constrained and have very different to do lists. I find myself stressed out way more than I did at home, where a 20-minute walk to the store 5 minutes away is irrelevant.
It is also harder living on the boat as we tick away the miles. I spend most of my day below decks with Fynn, keeping her entertained, keeping her company, taking her to the toilet or just helping her stay upright as the boat rolls beneath her. I feel like I have missed out on most of the trip down, seeing only the familiar wall of Asunto’s interior. I crave time to myself to read a book or just watch the horizon. Often I feel nauseous and tired, which is probably compounded by my second pregnancy. By the time Fynn is asleep around 8pm I too am exhausted and head off to bed.
Fynn is naturally a very busy, active and independent toddler. She would hands down rather be climbing a playground than anything else. She is also headstrong and I certainly haven’t found the most effective parenting strategy for our current situation. At home we would just go outside- go for a walk or the playground. Or we might go and visit friends or go swimming, all of the time filling activities that I took for granted. On the few days that we have been on a beach life was certainly easier. Fynn has heaps of fun playing in the sand and swimming around or going for a ride on the paddleboard. She can easily spend hours at this without it being overly challenging for anyone. So of course when I feel like I can’t cope I try to remind myself that this state is transient and it will certainly be easier for the months in the Baja. But then I think of Hawaii and Alaska with a toddler and a newborn and I panic again and wonder what the hell I am doing.
I also wonder if parents cruising with toddlers have the same challenges, or if I just am no good at coping. Of course I have read people say it can be difficult at times, but is this code for total break down and want to go home? Or difficult as is ‘sigh, well that was tough’; I would like to know if I am alone in this. Kolby and I discussed my expectations of the trip last night. I think that I hadn’t really given these two months of transiting enough thought. I mostly had them written off as I dreamed of playing in the Sea of Cortez. I didn’t expect it to be particularly easy, but I certainly hadn’t taken into account the effect of the constant swell, which effectively puts Fynn’s independence level around zero, a state that frustrates both of us. Luckily Fynn herself is a pretty happy sailor, who never gets seasick. This trip certainly isn’t nearly as hard on her as it is on me. She loves seeing Mom and Dad all the time, and thinks dolphins passing by are the most amazing things. But she can pick up on my current state and we can certainly get into a bit of a downward spiral, which is something I am trying to work on. Being totally honest I feel disappointed in myself for not having better control over my emotions. I need to find some balance and some peace and start to enjoy whatever the day throws at me. I need to remember to breathe.
Note: I wrote this right when we reached San Deigo, and it is an accurate reflection of how I felt after a month moving down the coast. Now, after resting in San Deigo for the last week, I feel completely recharged and the author of the above feels like a stranger. This will be nice to remember the next time I feel wiped out- a week of rest and then I am back at it!
All that quality family time must have done you good 😉
Certainly did the trick! xoxo
I was so relieved to read your last paragraph: I’d gotten to that point thinking, wow, this doesn’t sound like it’s working. I was relieved to see that the author felt like a stranger in hindsight! We all have those days, especially when parenting little ones, and you are smack in the vortex with a busy child and a baby in the belly. Honestly, hats off to you for the amazing things you’re doing for your family. I truly appreciate your no-holds-barred perspective from the trenches.
It certainly was the worst of the worst, happier times were written in other posts… it can be hard to admit that the dream isn’t always fun! Several factors lead to these challenging times- we left ahead of schedule from Vancouver so it was crazy busy, and I worked up to the day Asunto untied. I was in my first trimester and nauseous and exhausted and I never really got a handle on my sleep and energy levels until San Diego, where we took the time to visit family and unwind. The chaos took a toll on Fynn and she was more needy as well. In hindsight I certainly would have changed a few things, but we pulled through!
I have a feeling you will look back on this year of adventure as one of the most challenging, as well as the most rewarding!
12 years ago, we ended three years of living on the road, in a bus with 5 kids in the U.S. At the time, I remember so many of these feelings as a parent, but for what it’s worth, most of my kids are grown and all they remember are the adventures and the awesome part off being able to surprise people by casually saying, “oh yeah, we lived on a bus when I was a kid…”
Now as we get ready to go sailing, I only regret not going sooner, when all of my kids were still living at home.
Your doing a wonderful thing. And when this season is done for you. You’ll do more wonderful things.
The hardest part about parenting is that you have no instant feedback.
5 kids in a bus… sounds like a more interesting story than the old lady in a shoe 😉 Thank you for the encouragement. I do agree that adventuring with kids is wonderful even when it sucks. Love the thought about instant feedback – that is very true indeed!
Oh man, we should talk! We aren’t full time on our boat but every summer we live aboard and then in the winter we go between the boat (which we bring south), and our other places in New England. Hopefully we can live aboard year round and just travel one day before the kids are too old. I have 1 and 3 yr old boys so the last two summers were tough! Being pregnant with an 18 month old on a boat…was not fun. I totally know what you are going through but it IS worth it in the long run. So many of my social media pictures look gorgeous and idyllic, when really they were taken mid-disaster. One of my favorite pictures is my naked two year old on the bow of our whaler dinghy, in a gorgeous cove in Maine. Early morning calm…really he was up there and naked bc we were totally infested with nasty bugs that would not die and my husband and I were freaking out trying to get rid of them (while holding his baby bro) haha. Unconventional, authentic, adventurous…what a life for your children! I’m looking forward to reading more of your adventures! -Lily (s/v Robin Hood)
Yikes well we certainly haven’t had any encounters with bugs… yet! But isn’t that the truth about pictures we post. They are such a tiny snapshot and it is almost impossible to capture the whole story. I admire you for taking photo mid bug crisis though! that is one of my goals – to capture not just the gorgeous parts of this journey but the real ones too, good bad and ugly. Don’t give up on your dream of going sailing!
A very honest and raw post. It takes guts to post something like that and it is admirable. We are cruising with 3 kids. When we started Adam was only 5 months old and it was easy. He is now 20 months old and he is mister independent and mister energy. It my favorite age but both my husband and I identify with the emotions you were expressing above. But rest and time at anchor do always do the trick. Good luck on your further travels, I am sure it will only get easier as you figure out routines that work for all of you.
I agree, sailing with Fynn when she was under 1 was easy! This toddler age definitely challenges most everyone, and knowing I’m not alone helps tons. Since resting and recovering in San Diego life has been much better and we are loving our time in Mexico! Where are you cruising now and how old are your other two kids? I wonder how my life will look with a new baby and cruising. Fynn was a baby on board but we weren’t cruising full time and the laundry machine was just down the dock…
We left Brisbane with a 22 month old and 11wks pregnant. We weren’t going too far , day hopping up
it took the pressure off huge! Although I still felt like a passive passenger on my boat. For the last couple of years we have got crew for our longer passages. Our kids were 5 and 3 for our last trip Malaysia back to oz. Our crew was great and was with us for 7 months !, we have been very lucky. Obviously crew isn’t for everyone, and sometimes poses other challanges, but benefits outweigh the smaller drawbacks. Best of luck with your journey, it’s all ups and downs, but it is worth it.
The coast to the Whitsunday’s where we would hang out till baby time. Many days my thoughts mirrored yours. Especially not actively participating in the sailing , trying to find resources on foreign shores and not embracing properly our sailing dream. But, a break, rest and some island time does wonders for the psyche! Unfortunately, those feelings do come again, but at least you know there’s light at the end of the passage! baby #2 came and we untied again when she was 5 months old. We continued north to join the Indonesian rally from Darwin. It became apparent that we should seek out crew to if we were to accomplish the longer passages and stay sane. We got 1 crew ( no experience but that didn’t matter ) whose job was to help hubby sail , my job was galley wench, child carer and milk truck
Thank you for sharing your story – I love to hear of other families sailing with young young kids. We did have crew onboard and they fell into the category of ‘poses other challenges’… which didn’t help the scenario. They did help with night watches which was great. I do think crew is a great way to go and we certainly learnt a lot this trip which will help us find suitable crew in the future. Are you back on land now or still sailing?
It’s all about sleep. You need to get good sleep on a regular basis. Everything else going on, on the boat, has to be configured to support that. BIG mistake to do otherwise. Others may say I’m being unrealistic regarding life on a boat. I’m being totally realistic, with an eye on your health down the road. The consequences on your long term health cannot be ignored. Most especially because you are also expecting another child, but even if you were not.
Come on, other mothers, speak up.
Good sleep on a regular basis!
I agree, and the schedule was set up for optimal sleep for me! Which probably makes it worse as I still wasn’t coping. I didn’t have any night watches or day watches, I was free to nap when Fynn took her nap. I was just run down and did a solid rest, which wasn’t available until we reached San Diego. That is just part of the journey really. Thanks for you support!
Hi Kristine,
You are an amazing mamma for doing what you are doing and nothing, not even the plush life on land will make having a toddler and being pregnant easy (mine are 18 months apart so I’m with you…or I was about 6 years ago).
Sending you encouragement and boat mamma love from SV Banjan in Baja. Come join us on the beach, my girls can play with your little one and give you a few moments of respit!
We will keep our eyes out for you!
Anne Vawter
Thanks Anne!
We are in La Paz now, it would be great to meet up in the Baja. Do you have a blog that I can follow?
Kristine
Thanks for sharing your rough times (as well as the good ). We’re sailing with 3 kids (11,8 & 7) and that has challenges too. The good bits are awesome but the crappy bits make you stop & Wonder why we’re doing this. I think it’s important to share both on your blog to give others perspective. It’s not all beaches & cocktails, especially in your first trimester!
Thanks Lauren. Some moments I think we should have named our boat WHY ARE WE DOING THIS? but then we land on the beach or somewhere magical and amazing and then I think OH RIGHT. THIS IS WHY. Ha maybe I just found the boat name and tender name of some future boat 😉